I will start by saying this has been my best month, much less April, in recent memory. Of course school still sucks, but I've come to the conclusion that upon entering upper sixth form you are destined to yearn for nothing more that being finished with high school. High school, as we all might have realised, is bullshit; each school is just a different bull. Otherwise, however life has been grand.
Now some context:
It's currently 5:31 am on a Saturday. I am awake and writing at 5:31 on a Saturday. Early to bed, early to rise... would have been applicable if I hadn't woken up before 3:00 and gone to bed after 11:00 (which admittedly is regarded as early for me) So why am I up? I have no idea.
I'm writing however because I have had so many things to write about this month that I just haven't written, which is of course a horrible train of thought and course of action. So I'm taking the time out to mitigate that and try out the words once more. In all honesty, the only thing I've written this entire month is Synesthesia, Fairytale's fist official poem. (A little bit on what actual Synesthesia is... for context.) Though as I think about it, I've spent so many hours doing internal assessments this month I probably shouldn't be so hard on myself. Anyways, I'm rambling...
As April winds down I (and for most of the readers I know.... we) enter into our exam period. My first exam is the week after next (it's still Saturday, it is not next week yet) and as much as I am a firm believer in #FuckCarib, I intend to pass it, might even try to pass it well, though I haven't even started studying for that yet. But the exam period is a special time for me. It is both my least and most productive time of the year. I assure you there is no idleness like exam-time idleness, and I've set the bar for idleness extraordinarily high this year. Even so, there is no other time that I sit and re-write my own revised editions of textbooks, as between now and the time June comes around I'd have mostly written more notes than I have all year thus far.
As April winds down I'm still in a cute relationship. In my 18 years of existence I do not think I have been apart of something this cute and I was in the children's choir as a child. I don't understand it, she doesn't understand it... but it is what it is. In Fairytale's words "C'est la vie". However I've learnt that the happier I become the more cautious I should be. Time has repetitively shown that a Happy Michael is a Careless Michael, and I'm a science student, I'm taught not to ignore trends like this. So after a month, a week and four days I sit in the silence of early morning birdsong contemplating the L word...
As April winds down the beyond high school approaches. Oh how I look forward to graduating... or not graduating, whatever the case may be. However I remain in the dilemma of looking forward to a future I haven't exactly decided on yet. What exactly are you doing after Summer 2014, Michael? My father dumped some stuff on me yesterday: Jamaica/[insert country here] Bilateral scholarships. Cuba, Russia, China, OAS... and even this thing on Sweden. Now it may sound a bit late to be doing this but these opportunities are still open. It's a bit sad to say that going away to study has always been an experience I've looked forward to, even though I've made zero steps to achieve it, but now it seems daunting, and for what would be seen as a shitty reason. Whatever you do the future will meet you and in many ways you determine the nature of the meeting.
So basically, as April winds down the same matters that troubled me in March trouble me now, I just have 1 less month to contemplate the urgent ones. A friend of mine believes that if you refuse to reflect, you refuse the opportunity to grow... well, for all the reflection I do I seem to grow very little. Excuse my misuse of the french but C'est cannot be la vie...
-Me
