Looking Up: Some Positivity for Once.

So my last post was pretty negative and the overarching situation still stands, however it's about time I brought some positive vybes to impulseprose, so I'm gonna try my best to focus on everything good that is happening and has happened in my life recently (in no particular order). Lets Go.

1. DRAMA CLUB WEDDING DID SHEEELLL!!!! I mean I was really surprised at how well we pulled it off with close to zero practice. All I can say is improvisation is a beautiful, beautiful thing. It wasn't perfect. We started late and the food sharing was grossly inefficient, and as a result we had no actual reception. However all in all it was a success, even financially (which is a thing we have struggled with in the past) So yeah, as I said, the club's failures are my failures and the club's successes are the club's successes, and Friday's Drama Club Wedding was definitely the club's success. (Photos will be posted, they will be hype)

2. "Jamaica Hour" was actually enjoyable. I mean that's wholly because of the brilliance of a certain Theatre Arts teacher, she is nothing short of a savant really. The choice of MC was stellar, the items (for the most part) were of uniquely high quality and offered both high cultural and entertainment value (I mean a little girl preached from the scriptures of Alligator Pond 1:1 to the end. I was in tears), there were a few (MANY) hiccups and as assistant stage manager I was doing more running up and down than enjoying the show, but in the end it was a program well done. Amazing what people can do even under such grave conditions.

3. Where Is Melissa? is nearing call time. We have exactly 13 days till production. I wont speak much on it; but the experience is still quite surreal. I mean its not all rainbows and sweet perfume, we have gotten a lot of "cuss out" and we are still not anywhere near where we need to be. But all the same I can see it. Yes. I. Fucking. See. It. And I sincerely hope everybody else sees it too, unless they will get discouraged, because what I see is pretty spectacular. D-Day: March 15th.

4. I haven't been to Carib or Physics class in like 2 weeks. I don't know if this is truly positive, but it definitely feels good.

5. I'm apparently a person of interest in my school biome? Though I doubt being roumored about makes one a person of interest but hey, a niggs can dream. So there's a certain former jailbait that came to my school this school year, and I guess we basically hit it off pretty immediately, we're pretty much alike, and worlds apart. I tend to be close to my female friends (physically and otherwise) and that increases to the extent of how close I'm safely allowed to go. The consequence of this? Everybody now swears we are a couple. Now I have no problem with this, it's a recurring theme in high school life the romantic speculation, the belief that apparently platonic relationships are either inferior to or just less interesting than romantic ones... It's all natural. The immaturity about it however is bordering hilarious. I'll watch where it goes.

6. Finally: Romantic Interest? So as you here at impulseprose should know from Introductions......  I suck at relationships (and not in the good way), and since this blog started pretty much in the wake of a dead one, ya'll are pretty much up-to-date with my life in that regard since then... specifically that my life has not had that regard since then. Or since about 3 weeks ago. Now I don't mention names here for several reasons, and since the last SO alias was "a certain petite girl" I shall now dub thee... "Fairytale"  (She will read this, she will get this... she will smile). So 3 weeks ago the fairy tale started when she asked for my number. Yes. I was the prey. NEVER IN MY LIFE HAVE I BEEN PREY (and if I understand correctly neither does she particularly hunt). There it began, and in the most bizarre growth of a relationship I've ever been apart of, 3 weeks later, having talked about everything from literature to equal oral sex rights and quite a few things in between I sit here calling her Fairytail. This is reckless as fuck, emotionally and I know I'm a sentimental so this will either actually put some life into me (which I need) or drain it all out. So it must be by magic that I know this and still look forward to taking the gamble.

So yeah, I guess my life isn't all New Tie problems and fuckery. I need to learn how to look up every now and then...

-Me

Old Tie Chronicles

I haven't written here in a long time -blah blah blah- introductory statements...

I sit here barefooted (I somehow lost my socks)and cross-legged in a corner in the Top Hall, surrounded by dancers and Major Lazer, once again truant (I do that more and more these days) pretty much in a generally crappy mood. You see I am now experiencing one of those moments when my tolerance of  this damn school is at a low. 

Now for some context.

Tomorrow is Jamaica Day... and the Drama Club Wedding. As the Drama Club president that makes the upcoming day one shitstorm of stress and responsibility. Naturally we are were going to do a play during the Jamaica Day celebrations. Yes. Were. You see I am now 100% certain that the school has decided to do everything wrong this year, and so instead of celebrating Jamaica Day we'll be having the Jamaica (almost) Hour, since they decided to limit the "celebration" to an hour... then request 15mins from that hour. Thus Leaving 45 mins for the CELEBRATION OF OUR CULTURE AND HERITAGE, because that must be all that it deserves... 

This pissed me off. It still pisses me off. And as a result of this hostility (I mean what else could it be?) towards it all, we (myself and those who were helping me plan and practice the play) decided that we wont be presenting that day. I really hate the decision for 2 reasons:

• I don't want to be remembered as the Drama Club president who never did anything for Jamaica Day. It sounds petty and probably it is, but I remember the president before me, and her inactivity, and how I hated the club that year (though probably still not as much as I hate it now...) But I don't want to be remembered as "that president". 
• This year was my idea year. Where Drama Club is concerned I have had my best ideas this year from The Death of a Don to the The Heritage Story. I as really proud of myself for coming up with these ideas and even my ability to visualize and script to some detail these ideas were things I was really excited about. However, none of them will come to fruition while I'm here. Hopefully it will be possible in later years, but I won't see them. That deeply saddens me. 

But OK, no Jamaica Day presentation, at least I'll have the wedding. Well since I wasn't in complete control of that I was a bit behind concerning its planning and everything. I took a role as we were short of people, ok. But now, the day before the production we have little to nothing ready. Ticket sales at this point seem pretty dismal and I'm just pretty down. Obviously this is still my fault as the president. The club's falls are my falls, the club's triumphs are the club's triumphs. At least those are my sentiments.

Overall I'm pretty tired. Tired of everything.

Now I've been wearing the old tie all week. Most people haven't noticed, but more and more people are asking me "Why're you wearing the old tie?"

To me it's symbolic. Though I guess in the end it doesn't mean anything.  But to me the tie now symbolizes the "Old Chesta". The one I loved. The one that was fun. The one that never pissed me off ever goddamned day. As if wearing the old tie will bring it back .  I know it won't, but it doesn't mean I shouldn't wish it could.

So I will wear the old tie. Hell if I can I'll graduate in it, I will. Because the Old Chesta is the one I wished for 7 years to graduate from.

-Me

  

/r/WritingPrompts

Basically /r/WritingPrompts is a subreddit, where people post ideas or premises for stories and others write using these ideas/premises. It's really cool and if anything it makes you write even more. Practice makes perfect. So I'll basically just write the prompt followed by my submission. Enjoy.
-Me

Prompt: "Instead of trading money for everyday things we trade memories."

Prompt: Write a short prompt about what it means to be from where you are from





Prompt: A guy comes face to face with death




Last one (though it's so incomplete I was actually in pain while I posted it. )

Prompt:   A world like Avatar: the Last Airbender except instead of bending the elements, people use musical instruments to perform magical acts based on what instruments.

Februarius: New Beginnings.

I've been meaning to write a blog post for some time now, and the idea was to recap and talk about the resolutions I made in my Ianuariis post. But, in light of recent developments, I realise I don't need to dedicate a whole blog post to that; just a paragraph really. Or a sentence. And all that sentence needs to say is "I've regressed in every facet of life I pointed out my need to progress in." Because this is what happens when you make New Years' Resolutions, you set up yourself for failure and disappointment. (Oh, all Primary school teachers are turning in their graves/beds right now.... starting several consecutive sentences with But, Or, Because, this whole paragraph is a disaster. Well Done, Mike.)

Before we go into the major discussion (yeah, the first paragraph wasn't enough this time) some more general announcements. Firstly: unfortunately The Death of a Don won't be possible this year. The more I pumped effort into it the more I realised that to present it at high quality wouldn't be possible in the time we have. I do have two smaller, less complex plays, one of which can be produced before the year goes out, so there's that. Secondly: I'M PLAYING A MAJOR-MINOR ROLE IN "WHERE IS MELISSA?" Right now, a month before production, I'm playing a role that commands one of the most complex parts of one of the most complex scenes, AND MY PART DOESN'T EVEN HAVE AN UNDERSTUDY!! I am so psyched for this play, almost as much as I am nervous about it. The closer we get to production and the bigger I realise the event is the more nervous I get. Plus I'm doing choreography. I've been pained up since yesterday too. Most importantly, however, is that this play has a serious and important message and I'm honoured to be a part of it, in any capacity. Lastly: I'm not starting my serious bog for a while, so don't hold your breath, however I've been working on my writing and after this post I'll put up some of my /r/writingprompts work, for you to see my skizillz.

Now for new business: I need to start over. Getting back my grades from last year had an immense effect on my parents, and even one or two of my teachers. More than I thought it would have. Therefore it has incited in me some very important thoughts, and after talking to my father just a while ago, will cause some actions to be taken. Some I won't be comfortable with. However for the greater good, my greater good, they must be done. Thankfully I don't have to drop out of WIM? but my time has to be better used.

I need to start over. This year has had a greater toll on me than I thought. My teachers, except for ~2 of them, aren't doing very well and school life is about as stressful as schoolwork. Drama Club has zero therapeutic effect now and I continue to suck at my prefect duties. School is now, what it has never been for me. Difficult. Schoolwork got difficult starting last year, but school on a whole has always been pretty easy. Now I pretty much hate the place as much as I hate my house, and they are trying very hard to usurp the place that my house has been in my mind since childhood, as the place I would do anything but go to.

I need to start over. In January I said I need to start taking school seriously, now I need to start doing it. That Carib IA, my labs, studying. Especially now with WIM? and all these responsibilities, less of my time is actually mine. So I have to start using my time better, regarding my schoolwork. I'll work out how my writing practice, and the time for my future designs will go, but everything is on a tight leash now. I need to be on point now.

So now, I make a second commitment to my Time. You must be used better if I'm to be successful this year.

-Happy February.
Me

Plans, Ambitions and the Insufficiency of Time

So I've basically had a tonne-load of things to write about and little or no time to talk about it. It is however a good thing that I haven't gotten the opportunity because the last few days have put many things into perspective. However since "Time" is in the title I'll write these things in chronological order, based on when I started to think about these things.

First matter of business: The Death of a Don(?) Even though this has been a HORRIBLE year to be a club president I haven't given up. In fact this year I have had some of my best production ideas since forever and I am dedicated to ensuring they are presented at the highest quality. The Death of a Don however is my pinnacle of ideas this year. A mystery/drama in Jamaican context, good characters and a ridiculous back story... I would share more but that wouldn't be good for business... I can however share this:

As excited as I am about this however, part of me can't help but worry about the time I'm gonna end up spending on this, and by part of me I mean a few concerned friends. I mean this is my last year and I need good grades and what not, can I really afford to invest time in writing,planning, rehearsing and producing 3-4 plays in succession? Of course I can just start using time more wisely but even there I struggle horrendously. But it doesn't end there.

Second: The Teenage Blogger(?) Well I have two blogs, so what could this be about? Well, I've realised that the Internet is one raging cesspool of opportunity and exposure. Out of all my skills I have come to believe that my writing has the most potential. I have also had a recent interest in blogs. I don't see myself as entertaining or visible or relevant enough to do a video blog, though vloggers are among my favourite people on the great and ever-present Internet. However the thought came to me that blogging in itself also has potential for tapping into the Internet's resources in opportunity. So at the beginning of this year (as in January 1st, 2014) I started to seriously consider starting and maintaining a BLOG blog (not like these two little things... I mean blog with an AUDIENCE outside of my closest circle of friends...)

Anyways, the Blog; I was thinking of making it surrounding writing as a whole. My original content, my thoughts and recommendations concerning books that I've read, the original content of other young writers and other fun writing related stuff. As you would expect, like TDoaD,this is  major project, and even worse as this is LONG TERM and TDoaD is gonna be over in a few months, to reap any rewards from this blog idea may take a much more significant amount of time. Do I Have the Time?

Finally: The Actor(?) This week I have been given the opportunity to act in a play. "But you're like drama club president of course you've been in plays..." No. We are talking about a PLAY play here. As in I walked into rehearsal on Friday, got a copy of the script and this was on the cover:

At that point my mind was like"RAAASSCLAAAA-" So as you must realize by now this isn't any domestic, school-esque play. This is a play. A legitimate opportunity for me to act on a stage in front of an audience at least  quasi-professionally. This is one of those particular opportunities that I generally NEVER get. Yet here I am, going to choreography practises like I'm not the living reincarnation of cardboard. Still the hanging question is: Do I Have the Time to Dedicate to This?

Unfortunately, I have no definite answer. The insufficiency of time has always been a recurring theme in my life, and everybody's (or I would like to believe it has been a part of everybody's) yet I still have not learnt how to properly deal with it. However, like everything else in life, the stakes get higher every time you play the game. Now, hanging in the balance by Time's Insufficiency is my perceived "future", and I still, somewhere, believe I can still do everything and lose nothing. Perhaps that's my personal brand of pride, or stupidity.

So, as much as I hope you are all better at managing your time than me, acknowledge your personal insufficiency of time and find a way to act accordingly.

As I (finally) start my Caribbean Studies IA,
-Me

Ianuariis

Firstly I love Latin... until i start anatomy and get sick of it.. but yeah, everything for me has been Latin these days. Like my last poem: Aevum: Time, Eternity, Age, Generation, Lifetime.... Anyways I also find it funny that the latin for New Year is apparently Ianuariis.. as in January. That's it, not the word for new and the word for year. It's the word for the first month. So I start this post by wishing you all a Happy January.

Now I make it no secret that my grasp of the whole concept of Time is elementary at best. The passage of time for me is something I apparently have simply lost appreciation for, which is horrible for my time management skills among other things. But it affects me immensely in my appreciation of time based celebrations. Birthdays, New Years, and (God forbid in the future) Anniversaries don't particularly click with me. I've been 18 for a little over 2 months now (whoo?) and like every other birthday I felt no inherently different on October 25 than i did on October 23, so the significance of the age doesn't get to me. 

I'm legally an adult. Am I an adult??? haha... Fuck no... I'm just a petit-alcoholic, with a poor excuse for a beard (level 2 chin hair as I call it), childish indecisiveness, (what I believe are) large thoughts, potential and fear. SO. MUCH. FEAR. And my hatred of being controlled by emotions definitely doesn't excuse fear. But as this point I can't really escape it as much as I have to face it. Head On. With nothing but Dreams and a Toothbrush. And I think my realization of that fact may make me more of an adult than I think I am... well... if I act on that realization.

But my problem with time is it's perception. There are too many variables to account for. How does ANYONE have a good sense of time??? I mean simply, by aging our perception of time speeds up. To a 2 year old child One Year is one HELL of a long time, HALF OF HIS/HER LIFE... but to an 80 year old, what is a year? Our perception of time depends partially on the amount of time we have perceived. 

And So another 1/18 of my life has passed... 

And 2013 was probably the epitome of bittersweet. Lower 6th Form was one of the better/alright years of my high school life. Summer 2013 was the BEST summer of my life. Period. and the 1st term of Upper 6th Form was Horrendously Awful.

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair, we had everything before us, we had nothing before us, we were all going direct to heaven, we were all going direct the other way - in short, the period was so far like the present period, that some of its noisiest authorities insisted on its being received, for good or for evil, in the superlative degree of comparison only.

Charles Dickens, A Tale of Two Cities(1859)

(Wonderful quote that, hmm 1859...)

So many themes have come into play this year I don't remember them all; so many mistakes that I'll probably end up repeating some of them; so many good times, bad times, times in between I only know other years will just be a year of neutrality... 

So On to 2014

I guess we all need to change some things. You know, never came outta 2013 no fool... But people have to stop this whole "New Year's Resolution" thing... because in my opinion it just leads to disappointment. Set attainable, specific goals and plan to achieve them. Don't make a long list of achievements you want to accomplish, make a few, decide how to accomplish them and stick to the plan. What's even better? You can do that all year round, or you should.... haha, I should. So my goals this year are as follows in no particular order (and if you know me and see me and read this antagonize me about these bitches so I step my game up):

• Spirituality: Stop trying to understand God and start getting to know Him, do all that stuff I know I should do but keep overlooking or ignoring....  

• Work on Time Management: dedicate more time to my educational requirements; manage leisure better; DEVELOP BETTER SLEEPING HABITS(I say as I write this at 1:54 am)...

• Work on Leadership Skills: Delegation, Delegation and bumbaat Delegation; at least try to be a better role model as Deputy Head Boy, Find a way to deal with Drama Club; Delegation.

• Take Care of Myself: DEVELOP BETTER SLEEPING HABITS; Eat more regularly and healthier; Find some form of exercise... 

• UNIVERSITY:  sigh... never wanted to mention this directly but it must happen at all costs (and financially the least).

• Relationships: Preserve and strengthen the ones I have; be wise in the ones I enter; spend more time with people in general (I know I want to...); Learn the Art of Conversation, at least somewhat.

Don't know if I followed my own guidelines but these are things I must achieve.. not just this year but as Time continues. I hope we all continue on this whole Journey of Self Improvement as we go into this year. 
Wishing you all the best for 2014 and beyond; Me. 

Reading.

My posts and writing have been horrendously infrequent. Not that I haven't tried. Drafts and I don't really work if I can't do it the first time then it won't get done: and I've started about 3 or 4 posts since the last one... no dice. And poetry? Last poem I wrote was called "Dear Reader" or something to that effect. Written in Carib class, rife with profanity and stolen by a certain kohai (underclassman if you're not japanese honorific- savvy) if i get it back I'll post it.

I would love to write a post about this year improving... About how things started getting better, a story about how I truly realized and started bonding with a newer group of "true friends" and stopped being so fucking down an lonely and meh all the time. Or about getting some much needed ambition and getting my act together in this final push through secondary education and unto the tertio. Something.. Unfortunately I have no such stories and I'm pretty much how I've been since September; except I've rediscovered reading.  

Like all small children I read a lot, and since my interests as a child spread in a tonne of directions I owe even some of my current knowledge to my reading of old. But like most teenage boys somewhere I kinda just stopped. Can't say why, but it happened. But there was always a thing with me and reading and that was that I devoured literature. DEVOURED IT. I started and I finished with little between them. Devoured and moved on. When I started to read manga I adopted the same attitude (though I've lost a bit of my manga fanaticism... which worries me because these stories haven't finished yet....) But some time this month I decided to read a novel. And for that I blame Youtube and specifically, vlogbrothers. 

John Green. 

It started one Sunday with Looking For Alaska and by the next Sunday I had already finished The Fault in Our Stars, Will Grayson, Will Grayson and Paper Towns.... One Week. Four Novels Devoured. I probably stopped because of exams... and after watching another vlogbrothers video, with John Green giving book recommendations, on Friday I started The Magicians by Lev Grossman.... and today, Sunday, I finished the second book of that series, and I'll probably be nagged, by my own brain, into procuring and devouring the third and final of installment of the series, before doing the same for An Abundance of Katherines the John Green novel I haven't read yet. And surely it won't stop there....

Books are alluring, like small, temporary and portable soul capturing devices. They don't let you go. It's like An Imperial Affliction a fictional book in The Fault in Our Stars. It basically never ended and it captured souls right, left and centre... never giving them back. I fear, respect and appreciate books. Holding their author's essence, yet in a way being completely independent of them. Instigating thought, taking hold of emotions, and basically doing whatever the fuck they want. And I kind of hate them for that and love them for that. 

Funnily enough, and maybe for that very reason, I somehow became a writer (not sure how good I am though). I would love to inscribe on some good old ink and paper (or atleast some good old word files or an epub) something as powerful as the books I've read... and that is a daunting task. I actually (embarrassingly enough) started a novel, based on a short story I'd written... and it's been untouched since early this year (after my late computer died). I hope to complete it one day, and God I hope it doesn't suck. 

Books, narratives, reading, even literacy itself are simply amazing things... and I one day want to create something amazing. I want to write something that will instill in, someone sometime in time to come, some awe. Or at least make an enjoyable day's reading for some kid who goes through books like I go through a bag of crackers... who Devours them.

Sincerely

-Me