Friends...

I had planned to make a post today... but not about this. But in the past few hours I've realised something about friends. But before I go into that I'll talk a bit about me and friends. You see; as far as I remember I didn't have many friends growing up. I was a quiet-temper ridden child so that doesn't really surprise me. So my whole social life started when I entered High School. This whole experience of meeting people and becoming progressively closer to them is pretty beautiful. I don't know. Not many things get me as excited as clicking with someone I never new before that moment (or one I've known for a while bet never really talked to before). It's exhilarating (to me at least). I mean even though I suck at relating to them deep down I really love people. So as a result of trying to meet as much people as possible (that's what happens when you move from none to some) I've met some pretty awesome people. They amaze me almost everyday.

Anyways, what I WAS going to talk about was my womanly woes (wait...that doesn't sound right..). You see today, that "certain petite girl" texted me today. after about 16 days of silence (before which was about 7 days of silence and before that was...) But yeah, suffice to say I was surprised as hell. So we talked. For about 15 minutes. 15 minutes. Yes, you read right. I mean yeah, exams and stuff but at least tell a nigga you going into radio silence, that's all I'm saying. Though one friend says I should stop making excuses for her (when you read this just chill zeen?) but yeah. This post was going to be about all the confusion and shit i was feeling at that time. So why did  it change??

Well. Simply: I've been talking to people. No, not people. Friends. It's amazing how deep into yourself you'll look while your friend(s) tell(s) you that your keeping up a bag of fuckery. I mean, I have this one friend who after hearing my "Woe of the Day" asks "and how does that make you feel?"

If that's not a good friend then I don't know what is.  A person who cares enough to make you be truthful about yourself, and then leaves you to make your own decisions with that truth... That is beautiful. 

Another thing is how they view you compared to how you view yourself. 

It doesn't matter what you think about yourself with them. If they think you're awesome then you're fucking awesome..... and today I realised that my I'm awesome... well to the people that matter anyways. And that's a hell of a discovery. So what if there's one girl who thinks I'm boring? They're people here who think I'm awesome...  If she can't appreciate that then I guess we weren't made to enjoy each other, and eventually I'll believe that statement as much as I can type it. 

Now with all my talk, and form my intro to this topic you should realise that friends mean too much for me to really express over this medium (or any medium... I mean I don't think they understand how much I love them... but If you're reading this and you're a friend of mine remember you're closer to me than my family... seriously). So one of the worst things from my perspective is Losing a Friend. I've lost a few actually and  in many ways. 

Firstly you have those people who you've just drifted away from. People Change. (including You). Sometimes these changes cause rifts that just happen naturally. You can't change that... so sometimes you've gotta accept it. Then you have those who you've been distanced from. This one though is really no excuse. I have a friend in Australia (Yes. Fucking Australia.... like 15 hours in time zomes from my seat Australia) and we're still friends even though my communication sucks.

So distance is no excuse. 

You have the friends you push away. Jah knows I have no idea what to say 'bout this one. But it feels horrible pushing people away especially when you know It's for foolishness. That's something you need to sort out for yourself. 

And even though there must be other ways to lose friends, this one is probably the worst. Finally. Death. And yeah I've been there too. Permanent Loss is the worst part of it. Knowing you won't be able to make up for all the shit you did, run another joke, enjoy some foolishness y'all did... knowing that someone who was a part of your life isn't there anymore. Forever. That is Grief. And we probably have all felt that or will in our lifetime. I know our parents have dealt with it too many times in their lives, and their parents before them.... so I guess we're all destined to lose a friend.

So I urge you. Enjoy your friends. Learn from them, Teach them, Do Foolishness Together, Grow Together, Be Honest, and most importantly Be Yourselves Together. (though if you have to pretend around your friends you're in a truly dark place and probably only divine intervention can intervene on your behalf). 

-Me